holy moly...I am...

Where has November gone?!?
let me answer that for you..well at least in my case... i started my new job and literally working almost everyday. and of course going out with my friends for a drink (ok maybe way more than ever needed for me), getting sick again, a FINAL DIVORCE, thanksgiving, FOOTBALL and I just got back from seeing a sweet buah in georgia :)
and holy moly

I cant believe Christmas will be here in less than a month...
and I haven't done any shopping whatsoever you know where all my money has been going?
in de bank or in my secret hiding place getting saved for court that is in a week or so...
that I am not ready because this shit is expensive, never ever again will I do that eva eva again...
but I go talk to my lawyer again tomorrow to officially hire his expensive butt to get me out of this mess but first push back my court date for-umm-ever...not, a girl can dream right? but hopefully a couple of months so I can save more of my precious hard earned moneys working my little butt off...

So anywho...
I will update in sections :)

ohhh and i know my last post was a little too much of my bitching..PMS got the best of me..
and I so over slept for that appointment and it is rescheduled in Dec sometime...

Divorced...

My Divorce is FINAL...
YES you read that right... this girl is finally single officially and I can't be more happy so what do I do?
throw a divorce party... i know some people think that is wrong trust me I heard from quite a few people so before I get to  the pics you shall read my facebook status from the other day (if you don't agree) :

Those of you who have a problem with me celebrating my divorce with my divorce party can get over it... U were not ever in my marriage, or ever had to put up with a unsupportive, lying, abusive spouse...so if I wanna celebrate guess what I am bc I am finally out of misery and putting up with him and cheers to a new life and new beginnings so f off and ur opinion isnt needed and never will be :)


So now that we have that all cleared up... 
here are some of the pics...
yes I had too many shots.. and was a weee bit intoxicated okay extremely

Work


I started my new job... Trained for 5 days and 5 tests to pass, then had a week of what they call "audition week" to make sure it works out for you and your the person they were looking for and the best part of the crazy weeks is my best friend "S" got hired the same day so we had orientation, training and audition week together..I love working there now making way better money, enjoying work and getting along with everyone who works there AND entertaining the customers just gotta say thats my favorite part...

me "hard at work" :)

Thanksgiving


This year was the first year I didn't get to spend turkey day with my family or in louisiana, it felt so weird staying at home with all my family spread across the U.S.
So I spent it with some friends who also didn't have family around to celebrate...
So the night before me and "K" went shopping for food..
and the next morning we went to cooking..
We made ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, mac n cheese, green bean casserole, corn bread, sweet potatoes, rolls, pie and WINE :)

all of it turned out amazing and I am so thankful for so much...

Georgia <3

Football

rolll tideee baby
#2 

signed, stamped, sealed & shipped...

On Friday, I finally had the strength and courage to sign and mail out the divorce papers,

I waited so long because I wanted to make sure that is what I wanted...

It was one of the hardest things to do, but one of the best decisions I have made!

I didn't deserve half the stuff I had put up with in my marriage;

but I put up with it all because I was in love and my heart was set he was the one 

and he had me believe I couldn't have or do better!

Love is blind, only when you blame yourself and don't want to believe the truth!

I don't regret it...

I have changed a lot going through this,

I have two angels in heaven who keep me going their my guardian angels;

I have grown strong, but hell I had to fight myself to get through it;

I learned to fight for myself and follow my heart and mind;

I learned to let go of things that I can't change;

I learned if someone truly loves you, 

they wouldn't hurt you they would protect you! 

I am a strong person thanks to this,

my heart is still hurting but time will heal it;

 my Prince can find me one day until then

I will be on my couch, eating junk food, and watching cartoons... 

:)

Just some quotes I love that keep me going...

So life has been pretty great lately, 

I finally found a job, well just asked for my job back at Ruby Tuesdays but not the same one this one is a little further like 10 mins because I rather not go back to the one I use to work at since my ex still works there and he hates me i broke his heart, the drive is not to bad especially since my car is good on gas and I will be bartending and serving yahh me hello money and my future roomie has an interview on wed at the same one :)

 meet my future roomie,  K; we're looking into houses and apartments to move into by october hopefully we will find a cute not to expensive one because I am ready to be out of my parents house, not that I dont like living there I guess just after being out on my own for awhile i got use to not having someone tell me what or how to do things, and I will only be like 20 mins away at most from them so I think it will be great  :)

fall is getting closer, we have gotten sneak peeks of it the last few days..fall & spring are my favorie but my sinuses are out of control so i am ready for the weather to be cool :)

I received my divorce papers in the mail the other day, I am glad I got them honestly it means I am that much closer to having a negative abusive asshole in my life who treated my like shit; I HATE that it came to this because before I got married I never believed in getting divorced, but then again I thought he was the one and he was so different until a few months after we got married and I moved to texas! I guess thats what I get for not knowing him well enough and rushing into marriage because I was pregnant; never a good idea, lesson learned :)

 my sister sent me this the other day so true:

‎"To all the girls who are in a hurry to have a boyfriend or get married, a piece of Biblical advice: " Ruth patiently waited for her mate Boaz." While you are waiting on YOUR Boaz, don't settle for any of his relatives; Broke-az, Po-az, LYIN-AZ, CHEATIN-AZ, Dumb-az, Drunk-az, Cheap-az, Lockedup-az, , Goodfornothingaz, Lazyaz, and especially his third cousin Beatinyouaz. Wait on your Boaz and make sure he respects Yoaz...." 

I literally almost peed myself..too funny! :)

But I am one happy girl lately, no man= no problems, good friends, family, beers and just life is amazing no more negative nancy :) 

good nigghttt bloggy friends :)

Dear God,

Dear God, 

Three days ago this time last year, I lost my second little bundle of joy growing inside of me a week shy of my first miscarried angels due date, this is super hard for me and I am asking for you to give me the strength so my heart doesn't break as much as it already has! These last two heartbreaking years you have put me on a roller coaster that had more downs then ups, I am not mad at you because I know I became a stronger person through it all and looking back at it I thank you! You made me realize life isn't always easy but it is worth the struggles, to have a rainbow you have to get through the rain to see it! I have looked back on these two years and what happened: moving 700 miles away from everything I have only known with a person I didn't know as well as I thought, losing two babies, got married to the man I thought was the one,  the bad and good of my marriage, the tears, this divorce and for the the strength to leave the one person I never thought would hurt me and to move on (which right now is the hardest). No one never told me about how hard life can be and right now I sometimes don't even want to get out of my bed, but I know this pain will only be temporary and everything will fall into place! But God, please follow me and hold my hand through it all, give me the strength not to fall back to him or to alcohol, and for more ups then down because I don't know how long I can fake a smile when sometimes all I want to do is hide from the world and cry, help me fight this devil a nd depression who has came into my life and find you again I need you, I want you back, I love you!

love, 

Courtney

I SWARE..

If one more person tells me I am in the wrong for leaving my abusive marriage, especially his commander so I will be calling jag tomorrow to get to talk to someone who isn't going to talk to me like he knows everything about what happened and how to live my life..hell no! 

reason why I will probably hurt a few people if i could get away with it.  I wish there was a such thing I could use one pass going to jail card for something I did wrong, I would in a heart beat not gonna lie, but since there is no such thing I will just vent to my blog and wish Karma would hurry up and do her job damn it! 

On to a more positive note, because I know yall don't want to hear me gripe and bitch about all that stuff, and its not me to be miss negative nancy! This last week has been quite amazing I have caught up with some girl friends from high school that I havent spoken to in awhile, hung out with family, almost fully potty trained the girls, and just enjoying life without all the negative remarks and so forth! Oh and he started the divorce papers today hopefully not to much longer and I will be a free women and get my life to how I want it, and enjoy life being single I am not sure if I want to ever get married anymore, after all I went through but maybe one day I will have the family I dreamed of since I was a little girl, a girl can dream right? 

Well I am off to bed long day tomorrow nighty night :) 

and it happened once again...

Sorry for my disapperance from blogging I have a good excuse!

Last monday my life changed for ever once again, I am going straight to the point but not all in full detail bc I am still shaken up from it all! 

My husband texted me out of the blue saying he wanted to full fill his dreams of being a porn director, at first I thought he was kidding...NOPE! He got home a little after, I was upset from the texts he sent still he came up stairs so happy bc he has been looking into some more and this is where it all started to go down hill, I got mad and bc I was mad at him he got mad at me?? (is that even right? not to me)

But things got heated up quickly after that, he told me I didnt make him happy or satisfy him and he wanted out; I told him the door was there he packed his stuff and when he was opening the door I told him he would miss this, I did everything to make things better and to make him happy, and once he left I would be packing my stuff and going back to alabama because I do not belong here; he went crazy, I tried calling the police and he grabbed me and scracthed the shit outta me and grabbed my phone and went upstairs and went outside to go to the neighbors to call the police but he through my phone at me and followed me I tried to get outside but I couldn't so I ran upstairs locked the door and thought I was in some horror movie this had to be a dream, about a few minutes after he came to the door saying he was leaving just needed something out of the room for work, I let him in and he went straight to the bedside where our gun is kept got it and once he was walking out of the room he pulled the gun to his head and went to the bathroom and locked himself in...I called 911 and he shot of the door and ran to his truck and left, like 6 cops came and surronded my door and asked me a million and 1 questions and they were on the search to find him and when they did they let him go with the gun with him, the police told me to report all the info to his commander so he would put him away so I would have time to pack my stuff and leave.. I am scared of what he will do he obviously has some issues and he has never been deployed or any heavy training so he cant blame that!

 I am safe... and back in alabama with my family...and waiting for the divorce papers..

Im done with the lies, his selfishness, & the abuse; I don't deserve to live in his misery; i feel like the biggest idiot for giving him the time of day and another chance for now on I will live my life for me and my future and no one will ever be able to take it away and I will do it all with a smile on my face knowing I don't have to deal with it anymore..I am still young and have the rest of my life :)